Once again, I have been left with a prompt that made me think (do you sense a recurring theme yet?)
The prompt for today is to talk about something I'm struggling with.
I'm struggling with a few things at the moment, but none of them major. I mean, they're major to me, but it's not like I'm homeless, or jobless. My family isn't finding it hard to eat, or living in a cold house because we can't pay our electricity bill. We have cars that run, and money to put fuel in them. We are able to eat, and work, and do things.
So, in that regard, I'm not struggling. But at the same time I am. And with so many different things. School, family, work, money, me time, friends, independence, finding myself.
Firstly... school *sigh
I went back to university this year to study Exercise Physiology. I knew, going in, that it wouldn't be easy. I knew that I would be studying stuff I haven't done since high school. Chemistry, biology and math. I thought I'd do ok with biology, and I have been. But the exam scares me. I thought I'd be ok with chemistry because I did it in high school and have that basic knowledge to fall back on, and it's been... semi ok. My lecturer is an asshole, and the assessments are wayyyyyy too hard (much harder than the exam is supposed to be which I'm heaving a sigh of relief at), and there is just so much info to take in in 13 weeks of a semester. Math, I thought this would be hard. And it is. I thought I would really struggle with it, and I semi have been. My marks for my assessments have been great, but come the exam, I'm really not sure how well I'll do. Again, so much info to take in in just 13 weeks.
I spent a lot of my time initially focusing on math because I thought it would be the one I would struggle the most with, to the detriment of chemistry. I then spent a lot of time on both math and chem, to the detriment of biology, because I thought that would be the easiest of the 3 courses. And it is, but there is still a lot to take in.
My exams start on the 4th of June (2 weeks), and I still have 4 assessments due before then. Somehow I have to find time to do 4 assessments, and study for 3 exams. And eat and sleep and go to work.
All of which leads me into my work/school/life balance that is practically non existent.
I am working on this, I really am. I just have a tendency to focus on one thing at a time, and can't seem to evenly spread myself, or my time around. I find that I get into a rhythm (as most people do, I think), and once that rhythm is broken, be it because I have to go to work, or the phone rings, or some other distraction happens, I just can't get back into it. So, I go off and do something else, and usually study gets put on the back burner. I really need to work on being more time conscious, and learn a bit more time management (which I'm working on), get a little more of a life-work-study balance (which I think will come later in they year when M and I move out, more on this later), and work on being more 'in the moment'. That's definitely something else I struggle with.
My independence is a struggle because I'm back home living with my parents and when I come home it's like I'm suddenly a 5 year old. I'm sure most people who have moved back home struggle with this, but it is getting better. My mum definitely doesn't treat me like a 5 year old, that's more my dad, but I'm dealing. We have had a few major arguments about it, but that's par for the course.
Work!!! I hate it. I hate the job, the people annoy me, and I'm barely making any money. I'm working in the kitchen of a pub (I'm sure I've said that before) and it's ok because it gets me out of the house, but I asked for more hours because I need the money. I asked to do a few hours behind that bar, something different, and was told by the publican that yes, I can do some hours behind the bar. Then he hired 3 other people for the bar. One of which is a friend to his daughter (the cook), one who was supposed to be in the kitchen with Alix and I, and one other girl to do a few fill in hours. It pissed me off. Especially when they all complain about the girl who was supposed to be in the kitchen, then give me her kitchen hours because she can't do them anymore, then leave me in the kitchen to cook/clean/wash up/do floors etc, so that Alix can be behind the bar during lunchtime, because he won't pay someone to do 2 hours for the lunch shift so she can be in the kitchen and cook!!! And the money isn't great either. If I was earning decent money I wouldn't complain so much, but I'm not. It definitely sucks. Then to realise that my sister (who has moved out with her boyfriend) is still having mum and dad pay her phone bill etc while I have to pay my own is something else I struggle with. I have been working since I was 15. I have paid my way through uni (mum and dad paid accommodation but I paid everything else), paid for everything every time I went overseas, am paying for my new car, my phone etc. The only thing mum and dad pay for is food, of which I barely eat anyway because I'm not here for dinner. It really pisses me off. My sister gave up her job her first year of uni and hasn't worked since, and I've worked right through for 11 years (minus the 6 months I didn't work when I went to Canada). I struggle with that. I struggle to understand how she was allowed to move out when she's still not paying her phone bill. i struggle to understand how she was allowed to move out when she isn't working. Ok, so her boyfriend's got a job, and she's at uni, but she could still get a job for a few hours a week! 3 days a week packing shelves at the supermarket for a few hours maybe? But no, she doesn't want to, and mum hasn't made her. I understand she's studying, but so am I!
Ok, rant over. I really can't think about money and my sister because it pisses me off too much.
I guess, really, I only struggle with the everyday problems a lot of us face. I definitely have little to complain about when it comes to my life and my struggles.
Thanks for another great prompt :D
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